Maybe I was different. Or maybe I was just the average teen, but I remember really wanting to get married early on. More accurately I wanted to find “her” early on (and marry her as quickly as possible!). I distinctly remember thinking on one of my first dates “This is the one!” (Ok, I confess, it was in the middle of a goodnight kiss on that date). And then I distinctly remember thinking not too long after that, on a different date, “No, THIS is the one!” (Again, I confess it was in the middle of a goodnight kiss on that date).
Once I realized that I could no longer base a decision about my future wife on the goodnight kiss, I set about gathering intel on who “she” was and what “she” would be like. I never made an actual list of qualities (like my wife did), but I was keeping a list in my head of those qualities I desired in a wife. And I would add to that list at the end of each relationship. It was somewhat like putting together a puzzle and each relationship took me one piece closer to seeing the entire picture. One day after another relationship came to an end I thought “I know what she looks like”. Not in a physical sense of blonde hair or blue eyes, but I could see “who” she was going to be. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle were finally in place. It took a long time. I was twenty-seven years old when I met my future wife and twenty-nine when we married. (By the way, my wife helped me with the puzzle analogy early on. One time I told her very proudly she was “the final piece in the puzzle”. She very kindly corrected me and said “No, I AM the puzzle”. Sometimes, guys, we should keep our thoughts to ourselves)
Becoming an intentional dad does not happen in a vacuum. I believe it must be rooted in an intentional marriage. So much is “caught” by our kids from our marriages. Here is a quote from my oldest son’s Father’s Day text: “I watched you love mom like she hung the moon and stars”. We don’t always know they’re watching and listening, but they are and they pick up on the good AND the bad. The grace piece of the puzzle is the verse I shared in my last post “Love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) Somehow God can use even our failures when we are transparent and authentic about them (AND learning from them) in front of our kids.
So men (and ladies), be intentional about loving your spouse well…in front of your kids. Love them as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).
Single parents: There is nothing that says you can’t be intentional about raising your kids without a spouse. Let your kids see your sacrificial interactions with other members of your family as well as your friends. They can still learn valuable lessons from the way you handle relationships.